If you have ever felt this way, you need to step into your villain era.

I used to be that girl that felt like I had a use-me sign on my forehead, that was visible to everyone but me.

Did getting treated like crap meant I deserved it? Was I not worthy enough? Or likeable enough? Was I getting this treatment because of the way I looked? I mean what was it about me?

Little did I know that I was the orchestrator of my dilemma. I was allowing people to get away with treating me subpar.

This article will cover what it means to be a nice girl, why it is okay to be in your villain era and how to go about being a villain.

What is the villain era?

The villain era is derivative of the dark feminine energy, it is about putting yourself first and setting boundaries with others.

So why is it called the villain era, you may ask? When you start focusing on yourself, and doing what is best for you, you are going to piss a lot of people off.

Most people may not want to be identified as a villain for its evil connotations, but depending on what stage you are in your shadow work, and whether or not you accept that we all have a dark side, you will be completely fine with this.

Ironically, when we want to always be a martyr in other people’s lives we end up becoming a villain in ours.

Here are some examples of why it’s okay to be the villain to other people

The people who ghost you and you allow them to walk right back into your life.

You allow your boss/co-workers to speak to you in an unacceptable condescending manner.

Your friends plan dates but they always stand you up repeatedly.

The guy you just met, thinks it’s appropriate to hit you up at 10 pm so you can meet him in his car.

The family member is hellbent on intruding on your personal space and making everything about them.

And what about Keisha, who is always breadcrumbing you and forgets you exist until she needs something.

You give so much but what are you getting in return? Dust… Nada….Crickets. You don’t have to be treated that way. The disrespect starts and ends with you when you decide to take back your power. We teach people how to treat us.

Benefits of being in your villain era

• It protects your energy and gives you your power back
• Gives you peace of mind which is highly underrated
• You can form opinions on who to trust
• You get to know who is emotionally safe
• Clear roles and expectations in your relationships with other people
• More time for yourself (self-care)
• Honour your needs
• It is empowering to stand up for yourself
• Less worrying about other people
• Healthy mutually supportive relationships
• Less, frustration, anger, resentment, and burnout
• Narcissist/energy vampire repellent
• Can be used to determine who’s genuine and who’s not
• Strengthens relationships and is a chance to connect deeply
• Allows you to take responsibility for your life

Related: How To Protect Your Energy As An Empath

How to enter your villain era

1. Accept that you need to set boundaries

Entering your villain era requires you to get some boundaries.

Boundaries are an important aspect of any healthy relationship. It sets the standard for how we want to be treated and how we want to show up in our relationships.

Boundaries show that we have high self-esteem and we are willing to not let people disrespect us by being unkind to ourselves.

It communicates an imaginary line where you stand and where other people begin otherwise you would have people walking all over you and being all up in your personal space.

In short, boundaries give us our power back.

Also, If you tend to have self-sabotaging habits or if you find that you are being so hard on yourself that’s where personal boundaries come in.

It’s human nature to reserve the most criticism, blame and judgement towards ourselves and these thoughts we have of ourselves aren’t even our thoughts. This article explains why it can be hard to set boundaries.

2. Know when to set boundaries

• When you feel disrespected or powerless.
• They treat you like you are unworthy of their time and attention.
• Your wants and needs are not getting met.
• If you feel walked all over or taken advantage of.
• You want to keep the peace by not speaking up.
• If their actions have triggered certain emotions in you- do not ignore it – confront it.
• They give you an uncomfortable nagging feeling in your gut.
• When you don’t want to give consent to something.
• You feel negative emotions around someone or something.

It comes down to how you feel, if you feel good about something, great. If you don’t, you know it’s time to set boundaries. It’s always best to set boundaries at the start of any new relationship so it does not come as a shock to the other person.

3. Learn the type of boundaries to set

Boundaries apply to money, time, physical (space), personal. Notice how I did not over-explain or apologise for my basic needs in the examples given below.

PHYSICAL BOUNDARIES

“Do not touch my hair, with or without permission I still do not like it.”

“You are standing too close to me, can you please make some room?”

“I need to spend some time alone in my space.”

“I am not ready for this level of intimacy yet at this point.”

EMOTIONAL BOUNDARIES

“I do not want to talk about Stephanie when she isn’t here.”

“I do not feel comfortable talking about my personal life at work.”

“Please do not keep talking over me while I’m speaking.”

“If that works for you that’s fine but I did not ask for your advice.”

“When I tell you something, I’m expecting that it wouldn’t be shared with the whole group.”

TIME BOUNDARIES

“After 9 pm I generally do not respond to phone calls or emails from anyone.”

“I won’t be responding to work calls on my days off.”

“When we make plans and you don’t commit to them, I find that very disrespectful of my time. It would help if you let me know way ahead of time that you can’t make it.”

“I have to be somewhere, we can talk later.”

RELATIONSHIP BOUNDARIES

“I don’t xyz on the first date.”

“Do not touch me there, that is highly inappropriate.”

“If you continue to throw xyz innuendos with me I will stop having this conversation altogether.”

“I consent to safe xyz only, nothing else.”

INTELLECTUAL BOUNDARIES

“Everyone has an opinion, it doesn’t make me stupid for having mine.”

“Let us agree to disagree, we do not have to see things the same way.”

“I do not want to keep talking about this as it is getting us nowhere.”

“I have been listening to you talk, I would like to share my views on the topic as well.”

MATERIAL BOUNDARIES

“I do not want to lend my clothes out.”

“I don’t have any money to give right now.”

“Can you keep my room the way I have left it please.”

“No, I do not feel comfortable sharing clothes.”

PERSONAL BOUNDARIES

Yes boundaries apply to you too.

“I choose to let this go and not complain about this anymore.”

“I will prioritise rest while making plans for work.”

“They didn’t treat me well so, I will not be going back to toxic people just because I am lonely.”

“This will be a new routine for me, I am going to bed early so I can show up as my best productive self.”

“I choose to be happy at this moment.”

4. Have firm boundaries

Setting boundaries can be very uncomfortable to do, you don’t want to appear confrontational.

It’s much easier to avoid conflicts now but in the long run, it leads to explosive anger and resentment.

Instead of expecting people to extend the same kindness, why not do yourself a favour and show yourself respect by offering that same kindness to yourself?

Keep firm with your boundaries as people will try to test to see just how serious you are. It doesn’t matter if they didn’t agree the first time, keep setting those boundaries out of respect for yourself.

If people recognise that you are more than willing to please them at your expense they will be more than willing to suck you dry of everything you have.

What to expect when you enter your villain era

As you can imagine, not everyone will be happy with you when you start setting firm boundaries. I mean if people are used to getting over on you for years, taking that supply can feel like a threat to their survival.

1. You will feel guilty

Just because you feel guilty for doing something does not make it the wrong decision, it’s a trauma response to always being the people pleaser and making sure that everyone around you is kept happy.

It’s completely normal to feel guilty, afraid or anxious about having set a boundary.

You have to keep at it with EVERYONE you meet especially at the beginning of the relationship.

2. You will lose people

When you stop playing your role by deciding to take your power back, it reveals the demons in other people specifically the toxic ones.

That’s when you see their mask drop.

Toxic people will most likely think that you’re being disrespectful, mean, rude and look for all mean words under the sun to attack your character and to gaslight you.

But honestly, they can kick rocks because these are the same people who pay no mind to the pain/inconvenience they caused you in the first place.

You have to stop caring what other people think of you if you want to be a pro at setting boundaries.

The moment I started setting boundaries was when I realised the intentions other people have for me and the so-called role they expected me to play in their lives.

You’re not responsible for what people think of you.

You’re not responsible for how they choose to respond to your boundaries.

You are not responsible for other people’s feelings.

They are responsible for their feelings and the version of you they have created in their minds.

3. You won’t be liked by everyone but you’ll be respected

How people respond to your boundaries says a lot about who they are, not you. If setting boundaries will end your friendship, then they were never your friends, to begin with.

Boundaries help you figure out who is really for you and who’s worth keeping around.

Instead of guessing if people around you are genuine or not, boundaries will expose their true character.

Taking your power back by vocalising your boundaries is synonymous with telling yourself that you are worthy whether the other person chooses to see it or not.

Here’s to using our voice and entering our villain era in 2024 and beyond!

Favour, Xo.