Have you ever been in a situation where you gave a man everything you felt he needed – attention, love, availability – and he left you for another woman who wasn’t doing as much as you were? 

If you can and are wondering what went wrong, it’s because you lack the black cat energy. 

Trust me when I say the best relationships are between the golden retriever boyfriend and black cat girlfriend. 

This is not to say that they never work when the roles are reversed. But I’m sure you agree that exceptions don’t make the rules, and if you are seeking a committed relationship, you just don’t have the time to find out if you will be the exception. 

Therefore, your best bet is to approach dating and relationship with the black cat energy. 

Meaning of the Black Cat Energy

Black cat energy simply means the vibe commonly found among black cats, which is aloof, unpredictable, reserved, and pensive. 

If you have ever owned a black cat – or any cat at all – you will notice that although they are loyal and can be affectionate, they make you work for it. This is unlike the golden retriever, that is happy-go-lucky, friendly and eager to give affection. 

The major difference between black cat vs golden retriever is that the former is happy being chased while the latter enjoys doing the chasing. 

Relationship experts have unanimously agreed that the best relationships are between a black cat girlfriend and a golden retriever boyfriend. So, if you want to get a high-value man and enjoy a lasting relationship, you might as well key into your black cat energy. 

To help you, I have highlighted the rules for stepping into your black cat era and never chasing men again. 

10 RULES TO NEVER CHASE MEN AGAIN

1. Let Him Do the Chasing

Men can pretend all they want, but the truth is that the average man is a hunter at heart; they enjoy the thrill of the chase. 

If you take that away, you deprive them of the excitement of going after something and getting it. That’s why they easily get bored with women who don’t let them work for it. 

They love the process of pursuing something and ultimately winning the prize; that’s what gives them life. 

So, if you want to change your dating pattern where men get quickly bored with you, you must step into your black cat energy. 

Let them do the work. 

2. Never Change for Him

I see this happen all the time, and it breaks my heart – a woman becoming a totally different person because she wants to please her man. 

I see it this way: a man has to deal with how I am because he met me that way. He shouldn’t have wooed me if he had a problem with it. 

I am not saying you shouldn’t compromise at all; that’s also crucial for a healthy relationship. But you shouldn’t make major changes that alter who you are as a person. 

If you are goofy, be goofy still. 

If you love to dress up, keep being you. 

And so on. 

He saw you and liked it enough to approach you, so you shouldn’t feel the need to change it. 

3. Don’t Take on the Mothering Role

If there is one thing that grinds my teeth in relationships, it is weaponised incompetence. But the truth is that often, women allow it.

I get that societal conditioning makes it difficult for women not to want to baby men, but if you want to give off the black cat energy, you must shed off that weight. 

Trust me, men are capable of taking care of themselves. They existed just fine without you, so they can do it now that you are in the picture. You just need to stop treating them like children. 

In case you are struggling with this, think about how you can help your female friend out when necessary but never baby her; do the same for your man. 

4. Let Him Initiate and Never Beg for His Attention

One of the black cat traits every woman must imbibe is never begging a man for his time or attention. 

Black cats are happy being their own “people”. They really don’t care to be in your face all the time. If you want their attention, you have to earn it. 

You must be the same way even when you like a guy and can hardly contain yourself. 

At times, when he is unresponsive, you might want to overcommunicate to get his attention. That would be wrong because he may soon term you desperate or lose interest as you’ve taken away the fun out of chasing you.

So, when the pressure is too much, finding something interesting to do works. It eventually takes your mind off him. 

Read more: How to self soothe anxious attachment.

5. Focus on Yourself

Another thing you should never do if you want to leave your men-chasing era is to learn to focus on yourself even when there is a man on the radar. 

If you are laser-focused on him, you’ll soon become desperate whether you want to or not. 

Rather, you should keep doing your own thing – pursuing your goals, dreams and happiness. 

That way, you are occupied and don’t have time to chase him.

Read more: 17 Ways To Learn To Love Yourself Again

6. Set and Enforce Clear Boundaries

Even when a man cares about you, sometimes, he might want to test your boundaries. 

Therefore, setting boundaries is not enough; you must enforce them. 

Men appreciate self-respecting women, and there is nothing that screams a lack of it when you let him do what he likes and get away with everything. 

You must have lines he knows not to cross, and if he does – while you may forgive him as a one-time offender – he must understand in clear terms that you won’t tolerate a repeat. 

7. Let Him Keep Chasing You Even After Getting You

The chasing doesn’t just stop because you are now officially in a relationship. 

That would be a grave error because, as we’ve established, men enjoy chasing. 

You need to keep him on his toes by letting him continue to work for it so he doesn’t get bored. 

The roles should not change because he is now bae; you must remain the black cat girlfriend, and he, the golden retriever boyfriend. 

8. Be Flexible

Do you know how black cats give you just enough attention that get you excited and wanting more?

Yeah, that’s it. 

You can’t be completely closed off or risk making him think you aren’t interested. 

Throw him a bone occasionally to get him excited, and then return to being reserved. 

That way, you let him do all he can to get that energy from you again. 

9. Have a Life Worth Chasing

As much as it pains me to say this, you can only afford to give off the black cat energy if you have a life that a man would want to be a part of. 

Don’t misunderstand: I’m not talking about having money. 

While it includes it, it also means having a life that doesn’t revolve around him: career/business/school, friends, family, hobbies and interests.

Don’t be afraid to spend time engaging with this life away from him. If he sees this, he will do his best to be a part of it. 

10. Don’t Be Afraid to Lose Him

Lastly, you must not be afraid to let a man go. 

If not, you’d become desperate and start doing things you shouldn’t to cling to him. 

Always remember that you are the prize even when a particular guy doesn’t see it. Plenty more would, and the best part is that you wouldn’t even need to step out of your black cat era to get them to adore you.