Here’s a foolproof guide on how to get over an ex.

I know it sucks. And right now, you feel like crap.

You feel depressed. You don’t really want to do anything. But if you have been privileged to experience love, count it as a blessing. You know what it feels like to love somebody. You were vulnerable enough to let your heart get broken.

And I know it doesn’t sound like a good thing, but there are so many people out there who are so jaded, so jaded that they wouldn’t even consider the chance to love somebody, to open up their heart to love again.

Related : How To Fall In Love With Yourself After A Toxic Relationship

So allowing yourself to love someone and experiencing the pain from disappointment and heartbreak is what makes you human, it’s what makes you feel alive.

I don’t know about you, but I would rather have loved someone than to not have loved at all. I would rather have loved and lost than to not have loved at all. So, honey, like, it doesn’t matter if he broke your heart because at the end of the day, you won.

You allowed yourself to truly live and to experience this beautiful human emotion called love.

So this guide is going to help you on how to get over an ex, Not just a boy, it could be your friend, it could be a family member, or just anybody that you love.

How Long Does It Take To Get Over An Ex

Getting over an ex can be one of the most challenging things you can do. It could take you any where from a few weeks to years depending on the length of the relationship, the nature of the breakup and your emotional investment.

However, if it is in your own best interest that you let go, then it is what it is. There are so many reasons that could have driven you to this final step.

And you may be considering finally cutting a cord, sometimes the people we choose to love aren’t always good for us. And things like betrayal, being taken advantage of, being taken for granted, being constantly abused is enough to drive the last nail in the relationship coffin. 

1. Take an inventory of your relationship with them

I call it the compare and contrast. So write down the things that you absolutely hate about this person or the red flags that you chose to ignore that keep popping back up and compare them with the good. 

Once you’ve been able to identify the pros and cons of this relationship, it’s time to decide if holding on to them is worth it. 

You’ll need some self-love, a sprinkle of discernment, some tired of being tired, and a realization of your self-worth to know that you deserve to be treated better. 

If they are taking more than they give, if they are causing you to cry more than they make you laugh or giving you more confusion than clarity, then the relationship isn’t adding any value to your life.

It’s bye-bye. Love yourself enough to leave, know your worth and leave. Period, sis!

                             2. Do not take anything personally

So when people hurt us, they can stir up or even confirm some deep-seated insecurities that we feel about ourselves. 

So when we don’t identify with the hurt that they caused, we separate ourselves and remind ourselves of our worth. We become detached. And I have done a video about the art of detachment.

You can watch it in one of my podcasts on girl your magic playlist on the YouTube channel.

So we become detached and we no longer take things personally. We stop judging others and ourselves for the things thatthey have done to us.

It doesn’t shift your worth and you’re still valuable despite how they treated you. How they treated you is a reflection of their character, not yours. 

And I’m not going to lie, this is something that I still deal with but I’m learning that if someone else’s behavior can provoke a strong emotional reaction within me, then there is some insecurity or fear or shame that I still need to heal.

                                  3. Let go of the victim story

Oh god! Why me? Why am I always in this type of cycle? Why do I always meet the wrong guys?

Why don’t they ever take me seriously? Why me? It’s so easy to complain.

But if you rethink about it, you’re responsible for the choices that you make. So change the story that society has conditioned you with, make up your new self identity.

And this involves like leaving the past behind, focusing on the present and your future. And the present makes a huge part of your future. 

It can be hard to let go of your story because what then becomes of the narrative that we’ve been so accustomed to?

So without this story, who then are we? 

If you’re always a victim, ask yourself, what do you gain by replaying the victim’s story?

Is it attention? Is it relief? Is it validation? Is it not taking responsibility? 

They are just distractions that prevent you from focusing on what you really want, which is a good partner, a good friend, friends that you can eventually maybe call family.

When we hold onto the story as a form of defensive mechanism to avoid getting hurt, it just becomes counterproductive as we are the ones hurting ourselves.

And if we stay the victim, we stop being accountable. When we stop being accountable, we refuse to acknowledge that there’s actually a problem in our choices, and then we continue to choose the same people, and the whole cycle of victimhood continues.

                                         4. Forgive yourself

Forgive yourself for the mistakes that you made, and forgive them too. 

If you knew better, you would have done better and vice versa. Forgiveness is for you and not others.

I know, yes, you’ve heard that a 1000000 times.

But just think about it, if you hold on to things that people have done to you, then you’re blocking your blessings. You’re blocking new people from coming in. You’re blocking better things from coming your way.

So, endlessly obsessing about what other people did to you in the past is not going to heal the wound. 

It might feel justified. It might even feel validating. But what’s next?

You have to eventually make peace with your past and move on. This comes with a different time frame for everyone. Eventually, you have to let go because if you carry around baggage, it blocks your blessings. 

Not forgiving blocks you from potential friends, lovers, and opportunities because every time we’re exposed to these situations, we can’t help but be eager to spot red flags instead of just getting to know other people.

We develop this negative lens that we view everything from, and this can be very damaging as you form an unwanted habit that could last 5 years, 10 years, and even an entire lifetime. 

You do NOT…. trust me, you do not want to build a whole house in bitterness and anger, and you don’t want to carry that around because that is just bad energy and it lowers your vibration so much and it limits your ability to manifest.

So don’t wait for an apology. Don’t wait for closure or karmic justice before moving on. Do not let them win the 2nd time by allowing them to stay and live in your head rent-free.

                              5. Accept the situation for what it is

Give yourself time.

Getting over an ex or letting go of that boy involves mourning the loss of what you thought the relationship could be, the dreams, the hopes that you had for the future with them.

So face the reality of what their behavior is telling you and allow enough time to let go of the person you thought you knew, the potential that you saw in them that was just an idealized projection.

Let go of the idea that they sold you, the dreams that they sold you, the illusion that you believed to be true. 

When somebody shows you who they are, believe them the first time.

I love this quote so much. It’s by Maya Angelou, and I live by it in every single relationship. When somebody shows you who they are, believe them the first time.

Don’t make excuses.

Don’t paint the red flags pink.

Accept it for what it is and move on. 

                                   6. Give yourself time to grieve. 

Yes, that means do not go and move on to somebody else.

I know, yes, it’s the easiest way to get over somebody. But only temporarily, those emotions are just going to come back stronger weeks, months or years from now.

Don’t just jump on another d$ck, you’re more than likely going to make the same mistake if you just go back into the dating scene. 

So I suggest write a letter to yourself, address the pain, the emotions that you may be going through with no intention of sending it to them.

Take your anger out on something else maybe punch a pillow or something. You could even go to a rage room.

When I’m not in a good mood, I like to journal. Some people like to smash things, you know? Whatever makes you feel better. But do not, and I repeat, do not move on to somebody else.

You can even cry. Crying is okay. Crying is therapeutic. Crying is healing. So do those things, and you will feel so much better. 

Eat ice cream. Ice cream works wonders. I love ice cream, and it always helps me feel better. Here are other comfort foods that can help you heal from a breakup.

The only thing that you can control is moving on from a situation that has continued to prove detrimental to your well-being. 

So come to terms with acknowledging that they are now a part of your past.

I know it sucks and I know it hurts, but what was once real to you is now dead and gone. So no more waiting for them to come back or waiting for them to apologize to you. 

Don’t hold out false hope that they may someday come to your senses and decide to have a happy ending with you as that might never come. 

Whatever you do, do not do rebounds.

                             7. Learn to detach emotionally. 

Detachment is like my favorite topic! I have a video on YouTube if you want to check it out. 

Let go of the idea that you can change the other person. 

Let go of your ego that is so adamant on winning. 

Sometimes, the best response is no response. There is no point in engaging with somebody who is committed to misunderstanding you. You will never see eye to eye with that person. 

So instead of getting them to see where you’re coming from, communicate your boundaries that you wish to no longer engage with them. 

Energy vampires want nothing more than to know that they can get an emotional reaction out of you. 

It takes 2 to tango, it takes 2 to fight. 

The moment you stop playing their game, it gets boring and they go bother somebody else. Keep your boundaries firm, learn to detach from people who constantly want to argue with you, who constantly want to go back and forth with you. 

                                      8. Trust the process 

When all is said and done, the most important and probably the most difficult part next to forgiveness is trusting the process. 

Trusting that the universe, God, motherlode, spirit guides whatever you refer to God as or whatever you believe in has got your back. Everything will align for your greatest good and who you are destined to be will eventually come to be. 

Seeing challenges, difficulties, and setbacks like this as part of the ‘how to get over over an ex’ helps you to keep an open mind. 

Some people are not meant to be in your life and some people are not meant to be with you to the end of your story and that’s okay. 

If you can learn anything from it, learn to take the lesson and just move on with your life. 

Learn to love yourself so that you can be your best self.