If I don’t like myself, what good is it if somebody else does?

That was the wake-up call that shifted everything for me. I went from being someone who constantly needed outside approval to someone who now validates herself loudly, proudly, and unapologetically.

If you’ve been wondering how to love yourself and be confident, you’re not alone, I had to learn it from scratch.

For the girls who are in their self-love era (or trying to be), this post is your mirror. Here are five life-changing things I started doing that helped me stop seeking validation and start loving myself for real.

Related: 17 Ways To Learn To Love Yourself Again

1. I Stopped Comparing Myself to Other Women Even Celebrities

One of the first steps in how to love yourself and be confident is letting go of comparison.

It started with a simple mindset shift: Celebrities/Influencers that I looked up to aren’t special or had something that was missing in me—they just believed in themselves.

I used to admire these women and instantly feel like I didn’t measure up.

I’d try to mimic their hair, their makeup, their energy, thinking that if I copied them enough, I could somehow become them.

But copying someone else’s appearance won’t light up your own life.

Loving myself meant turning the gaze inward.

I started asking: What works for me? And when I began living for myself, not someone else’s aesthetic, I became so much happier and more grounded in who I really was.

2. I Validated My Own Feelings (No More Toxic Empathy)

Back when I didn’t love myself, I had this thing I now call toxic empathy.
If I had a conflict with someone, even if they were wrong, I’d prioritize their feelings over mine.

I’d even blame myself for things that weren’t mine to carry.

But loving yourself means choosing you, even in conflict. I had to learn to:

• Validate my own emotions
• Give myself space to feel what I feel
• Stop twisting myself to accommodate people who didn’t do the same

If you want to know how to love yourself and be confident in relationships, you need to validate your own feelings first.

The more I did that, the more my self-esteem grew and the less I tolerated one-sided emotional labor.

3. I Became Picky With My Circle

Here’s a truth bomb: insecure people project.

I used to surround myself with women who didn’t love themselves, and that led to this subtle but constant feeling of one sided competition.

There was always tension. Hot-and-cold energy. Disapproval disguised as “just being honest.” And that kind of environment messes with your nervous system.

So I made a decision: I will only build deep friendships with women who are confident and secure in themselves. Not perfect but self-loving.

Because when you surround yourself with people who regulate your nervous system instead of putting it in fight-or-flight? That’s when real peace starts.

4. I Did Mirror Work (Yes, I Became My Own Hype Woman)

Mirror work changed the game for me.

Mirror work is one of the most underrated practices in how to love yourself and be confident, especially when you’ve been your own worst critic.

At a time when I didn’t like my hair, my body, or even my face, I realized: Wait who told me not to like myself in the first place?

The answer? Society. Childhood. Cruel comments. Conditioning.

So I stood in front of the mirror and gave myself the love I was always waiting for someone else to give me. Things I said to myself out loud:

• I am beautiful
• I am intelligent
• I am worthy of love
• I’m allowed to take up space

Compliments from others became bonuses, not lifelines. I no longer needed a man or anyone else to tell me I was beautiful. I already knew it.

5. I Forgave Myself and Finally Let Go of Shame

You can’t love yourself if you’re still at war with your past.

For so long, I blamed myself for everything. Every mistake, every broken relationship, every wrong decision. But that mindset only led to self-sabotage.

So I forgave myself.

I let go. I extended to myself the same grace I so easily gave others. And from that moment on, I noticed:

• I wasn’t anxious all the time
• I stopped attracting chaotic relationships
• I finally felt peaceful

And that peace? It’s everything.

6. Journaling Helped Me Understand Who I Am

One more thing, I journaled like my life depended on it.
And maybe it did.

Through journaling, I discovered my opinions, my shadows, my voice, my emotional patterns. I became aware of how I showed up in the world, and from there, I could rewrite the story.

If you don’t know yourself, it’s really hard to love yourself. Start writing. It doesn’t have to be perfect. Just start.

You Are the Love You’ve Been Waiting For

One of my all time favourite self love quote is “how silly of me to forget that I am the love of my life” by Maia.

No one can ever love you more than you love yourself.

Once you understand this, doing the inner work of learning how to love yourself will become a priority.

Learning to love yourself isn’t about becoming perfect. It’s about coming home to who you are—before the world told you that wasn’t enough.

Validate yourself. Choose better friends. Stand in front of a mirror and hype yourself like it’s your job. Because honestly? It is.

And if nobody’s told you today:
You’re beautiful. You’re worthy. And you don’t need outside approval to know that.

See you in the next post, girlfriends.
With love,
Favour.