Here’s how to heal wounded feminine energy in 5 steps. Cultivating your feminine divine is a journey that takes work, healing and some patience with yourself but it is definitely worth it.
1. Unlearn generational patterns
Unpack and unlearn the damaging narratives that you may have of yourself, your worth and femininity. If you were taught to take care of others while neglecting your needs, or if you were expected to give of yourself without getting any reciprocity, or that your looks do not matter, even the idea of being an overly independent woman who takes pride in not needing anything from anyone.
The wounded feminine energy is inherited and passed down from generations. It could look different for different cultural backgrounds.
The commonalities are women who are codependent and people pleasers, women who self neglect especially in the looks department, women who practise misandry and hate relying on men, super independent and dominant women, women who are attracted to narcissists and frenemies, women who practise self hate, feminism (though I support the notion of men and women getting equal pay, men and women are not the same).
You will need to learn the importance of the masculine and feminine and how they balance each other out. For more insight on the masculine and feminine check out this post
2. Heal your inner child
You must reparent your self to heal the wounded feminine energy. Be the mother and father figure you wish you had. Forgive those who hurt you because holding on to unforgiveness, holds you back in more ways than one, most importantly it holds you back from healing your feminine and masculine wounds.
I highly recommend therapy. If you can’t afford therapy get a journal and write your thoughts down. Write down the toxic generational curses you may have inherited (awareness is everything) and find out where it came from, how it is currently showing up in your life and device a new way to stop repeating the cycle. I have 50 free journal prompts for your inner child, healing and self discovery.
3. Develop a new self image
Make a new self identity and image for yourself. Building your self image requires 2 things.
- Make a list of the qualities you want to emulate
oh actually I lied, it requires 3 things. The last is Consistency. Working towards the best version of you and showing up everyday whether you feel like it or not will boost your self esteem and confidence because
- You are keeping your promises to yourself
- You are putting an effort in yourself which subconsciously communicates to you, that I am a worthy worthwhile person.
Of course you are allowed to give yourself some grace every now and again but as James Clear clearly puts it in Atomic Habits, “never miss twice”. Get specific on who you want to be and literally become that person. If you don’t like who you are you can actually change it.
4. Develop a stronger relationship with your intuition
How do you develop a stronger intuition? Listen to yourself and actually do what that tiny voice is telling you.
Ever had a friend that always comes to you for advice but never listens or follows your advice? Yep it’s the same thing when we don’t listen to our intuition.
How do you expect your friend to keep warning you and getting you to have common sense? Sooner or later, that friend will give up and go about her business or just stay silent when you bring your issues to her.
This is how the intuition works.
It works like a muscle, the more you use it the more it grows. The same way you wouldn’t go to the gym as a newbie to start lifting heavy, is the same way you approach your intuition.
Start with the small things. What do I want for dinner? What fragrance works best on me? Will that little shampoo left in the bottle be enough to was my whole head of hair? When your intuition grows you feel connected to yourself and your divine and that is how we heal our wounded feminine energy.
5. Be around people who make you feel safe to be in your feminine
The reason for this is, unsafe people will cause you to raise your masculine shield to defend yourself and will lead you back to your wounded masculine/feminine ways such as trying to control and fix the situation, not expressing how you really feel, being a pushover etc. Here are some tips to find out if someone is safe. This could be used for vetting friendships too!
How reliable are they?
Would they still be the same person if they are angry? Are they consistent? Do their actions match their words? Do they keep plans you make together? Are they trustworthy? Do they have your back? Can I count on them when I need help or just someone to talk to? Are they honest in their communication or is it passive?
Would you consider this person to be real?
How authentic are they? Are they the same person they are around others or do they follow what other people around them are doing? How do they treat the people who can’t do nothing for them? Do they treat other people the same way they treat you? Is there a connection there? Is there a willingness to open up?
Are they reassuring?
Do they feel validating to be around? How do they handle your emotions? Do they support you? If you have a problem with them, do they take accountability or try to shift blame or deflect? Are the apologies genuine? Are they uplifting or do you feel put down? Do they make you feel anxious or secure? Do they try to control you with guilt, shame and fear?
What does your body think?
Lastly, listen to your body.
How does it feel when you are with them? Or after an encounter with them? Do you get those gut-wrenching butterflies in your tummy, a tightness in your chest or a feeling of impending doom or maybe you feel like you need to recover from them. The body stores a lot of trauma which explains why some people cry or laugh during activities like yoga, massages, chiropractic treatment etc.
In this article, Stephen Porges, PhD, of the Kinsey Institute Traumatic Stress Research Consortium at Indiana University has a theory that suggests the capability of our nervous system to feel safety and intimacy. But when in the face of danger it can shut down to conserve it’s energy or go into a flight or fight mode.
Trust your body, especially your gut – it is smarter than you think.