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Losing friends during your personal growth can not only be devastating but also heartbreaking. You finally did it! You lost the weight, you levelled up in your appearance, you made steps towards starting your own business. Finally you are at a place where you no longer struggle and your life seems to be getting better and better.

But why is it that people are a lot more comfortable with you struggling as opposed to you doing well in life? This type of undercover hate will usually come from the people closest to you who are meant to support and have your back. It could often be from your circle of friends or family.

In this article I will talk about why we lose friends as we grow and what to do about it.

Is Losing Friends Part of Growing Up?

Here are some common reasons why you lose friends when you grow.

1. Your glow up threatens their insecurities

Accepting that it is human nature to compare ourselves with the people around us will set you free from the disappointments that come with the insecure feelings of others. 

These insecurities can mask itself as envy, indifference, projections of self doubt or passive aggression. You may even notice them distancing themselves from you as a form of self preservation because they can’t handle your glow up. 

If you notice that the better your life gets, the more you seem to be losing friends, it’s because the people around you will rather celebrate your downfall than your success. However, envy usually means you are doing something right…keep going.

“The more I find myself the more people I lose”


2. Misery loves company 

Frenemies are only willing to support you as long as its within the confines of whatever limits they’ve set for you. Some friends keep you around because it makes them feel better about themselves.

Have you ever noticed how the dynamics change in your friend group when you go from being the ‘ugly’ friend to the certified baddie? It really could be anything petty. Those same friends will start keeping you at an arms length.

Frenemies never expect you to do really well and are only willing to support you to a certain level that suits their ego. The moment you start shining too bright. They back off. The moment you are no longer ‘relatable’ they will ghost you because you don’t play your role anymore.

It’s the crabs in a bucket mentality. If they can’t have it neither can you. Leave miserable people alone. 

3. Your friends are really trauma bonds

I’m sure you are familiar with the saying “Birds of a feather flock together” or “Water will always seek it’s own level”.  The friends you have outgrown were a reflection of the love you have for yourself. They came into your life to teach you a lesson, to help you see yourself clearly. After all, we do have our own blind spots.

The good thing about frenemies is that they hold up a mirror to us to show us the parts of ourselves that need healing and love. Now that you have evolved into a greater version of yourself, you do not need to keep relearning the same lessons. It’s time to move on.

Going back to your frenemies would be the same as going back to who you used to be. And this is where people tend to fall back into old patterns because in order to stay cool with certain people you would have to be okay with shrinking and regressing to self hate.

Read this fun empowering article on How To Know Your Worth And Add Tax

Holding on misaligned friendships blocks your blessings

When we refuse to let go of the thought of losing friends, we block our ability to manifest relationships that are really aligned with us. It is as good as entertaining your dusty ex while still hoping to meet the man of your dreams. Chasing your frenemies is congruent with telling the universe that you are not worthy of the goodness that you have manifested or planning to manifest.

How can you continue to level up when you go back to people who make you feel unworthy? It’s self sabotage. Focus your mind and energy on what you want to create instead. When you focus on toxic friendships you block your energy from being open to new ones. My advice? Keep winning because success and happiness is the best revenge.

The unfamiliar is the reason why people stay trapped in familiar toxic situations. Let’s face it growth is uncomfortable and painful, but it is necessary to shed the old, grieve what is lost to make space for the new.

Keep growing.

Favour Xo


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