You’ve recently just come out of a relationship that left you with chronic low confidence, this article will help you learn how to fall in love with yourself again.
This will be incredibly useful if you have just experienced a painful breakup that left you with low self worth.
So one of my subscribers, we’ll just call her Shera. In short, Shera wanted to know how to fall in love with herself after a string of bad relationships with broken men.
Shera’s question
“I recently just got out of a two-year relationship and I completely lost myself in this connection and I honestly don’t know how. I like to think that I have a nurturing spirit and I tend to attract the same broken people. I’m in and out of depression, my anxiety is through the roof and my overthinking is causing me to self-sabotage. I’ve been broken before and I’ve put myself back together, but this time around it hits different. I feel everything. But this time around it hits different. I feel everything. I’m not sure how to start over. I’m falling in love with myself/life again”.
Related: How To Let Go Of Someone Who Hurt You
How To Fall In Love With Yourself
Okay, so now how do we fall back in love with ourselves?
Here’s my answer to Shera and any woman who relates to her story.
1. Change your self talk
It’s easy. You mentioned that you’re good at nurturing, so why not treat yourself like you would treat a partner? Show yourself the love you would show to someone you care about.
Start appreciating yourself and be mindful of your thoughts when you look in the mirror. If negative thoughts come up, work on changing them.
For example, if you think you’re ugly, replace that thought with a positive one like ‘I’m beautiful’ in your mind. Even if you don’t believe it at first, with repetition, you will start to believe it. It may seem scary at first, but it really works.
2. Start writing in a journal
And start journaling. I began journaling when I started my self-love journey, and it has truly transformed my life.
It has helped me figure out what I want to do in my life, and has allowed me to learn more about myself.
The act of journaling is excellent for getting to know yourself better, which is a crucial part of loving yourself.
If you are unsure of what to journal about, here are some beginner friendly journal prompts to help you on your journey to self love.
3. Write down self sabotaging behaviours
Take time to reflect on your behavior in relationships.
Do you have self-destructive patterns? For example, attaching too quickly, ignoring red flags or oversharing personal details.
These patterns make you vulnerable to manipulators. To avoid this, take your time with relationships and write down your experiences and thoughts.
This helps you identify any commonalities and gain a deeper understanding of yourself. Taking care of yourself is the most important thing!
4. Reprogram your mind
How to fall in love with yourself starts with how you use the power of your mind.
If you struggle with negative self talk, a way to combat this is to reprogram your subconscious mind.
Start with what you consistently feed your mind, feeding your mind with positive affirmations is a part of the process of reprogramming your thinking.
You don’t have to repeat multiple affirmations throughout the day; a single one will suffice.
For example, you could repeat “I love myself” every hour or just three times a day, and it will gradually become a reality for you.
5. Address your limiting beliefs
To overcome any limiting beliefs you may have about relationships and intimacy, it’s important to first identify them.
Based on what you’ve shared with me, it seems like you struggle with letting others see and know the real you, despite being nurturing and loving towards others.
You may have become comfortable with a one-sided dynamic where you give your love freely without receiving the same in return because that feels safest to you.
To start changing this pattern, you need to examine your beliefs about love and relationships and work on counteracting any negative ones.
For instance, if you believe that love always hurts and leads to abandonment, try to find examples in your life where this isn’t the case. Alternatively, you can be an example for yourself by showing self-love and trusting yourself.
6. Learn to trust yourself
How do you learn to trust yourself? It’s similar to building trust with another person. To truly love someone, you have to be able to trust them completely. You trust others by their ability to keep their word.
When someone says they’ll do something, they must follow through on that promise. This is a lesson I’ve learned over the years, and it’s one that I take very seriously.
If I say I’m going to do something, I absolutely must do it.
For example, if I declare that I’m going to stay committed to my goals this year, I must follow through on that commitment.
If I don’t do what I said I would, I lose faith in myself – and that’s a serious issue because it erodes self-trust. If you don’t trust yourself, how can you trust anyone else? It’s impossible.
7. Invest more in your self care
I understand that taking care of yourself may seem like an obvious thing to do, but it is crucial for your physical and mental well-being. Even if it’s something as simple as brushing your teeth, it’s important to make an effort to do it.
I know it can be challenging when you’re feeling depressed, but try to set small goals for yourself each day, like making your bed or reading a book. By achieving these goals, you can build trust and confidence in yourself.
Another essential aspect of self-care is the food you eat. As someone who has struggled with depression and anxiety, I have found that maintaining gut health is key.
Eating more vegetables and fiber has helped me sleep better, worry less, and feel less stressed. When your gut is balanced, you produce more serotonin, which is a happy chemical that can help regulate your mood.
Additionally, exercising can trigger the release of other happy chemicals like oxytocin, endorphins, and dopamine.
I recommend avoiding processed foods, as they can exacerbate your symptoms. Personal grooming is also important, as is doing things that make you happy. Remember that self-care is not selfish; it’s necessary to take care of yourself before you can take care of others.
8. Try solo dating
Take yourself out on solo dates to really learn what you like.
Last year, I took myself out on a bunch of solo dates and I learned so much about myself.
I learned what made me happy, I learnt to be comfortable in my solitude and now, when it comes to actually dating someone, I know what standards I have, how I want them to treat me when we’re out on a date.
It’s also a great way to just get to know yourself, especially if you are someone who is constantly surrounded by people all the time, sometimes you just need that time to yourself to get to know yourself. I think that’s the best way to really love yourself.
9. Learn your love language.
Do you enjoy receiving gifts? Are you someone who values quality time?
In the past, I used to mistake quality time for just sitting by myself and scrolling through the internet. But now I understand that it’s more than that.
Do you like receiving affirmations? How about physical touch? Acts of service?
It’s important to get to know yourself better and explore what you truly enjoy.
Don’t feel guilty about being selfish, because as women, we’re often expected to give and give until we have nothing left. But that’s not true.
Our worth is not measured by how much we give. If we give everything and don’t have anything left for ourselves, we’ll end up feeling resentful and bitter. So, take this time to focus on yourself and become the woman you want to be.
10. Protect your energy
It is important to maintain your boundaries when you finally learn how to fall in love with yourself.
Boundaries are essential for your safety and well-being, as they help you eliminate toxic people from your life.
Setting boundaries can reveal a person’s true intentions towards you, and it can help you distinguish between those who are manipulating you and those who have your best interests at heart.
When you say no, you become aware of who is healthy for you and who is not. If you find yourself wanting to say yes, ask yourself why. What rewards are you getting from being a people pleaser?
Being a people pleaser doesn’t earn you more love; it only earns you disrespect. Therefore, it is important to set boundaries and learn to say no.
11. Forgive yourself for past mistakes
Practice forgiving yourself because without forgiveness, you cannot move past your hurts and let new people in.
This blocks your blessings, and you may have broken your trust in the past, making it difficult to trust yourself. It is important to let go of the hurt caused by others and move past it.
It takes time, but loving yourself and letting go of guilt, criticism, and shame experienced in past relationships will help you grow and love yourself even more deeply.
It is okay to make mistakes, and you should offer the same compassion to yourself that you give to others.
You may have forgiven unchanging ex boyfriends many times in the past, and it hurt you the most because you put yourself in toxic relationships. Reserving empathy, compassion, and understanding towards yourself is one of the best things you can do to move forward.
12. Figure out what your passions are
A great way to start afresh is to explore your passions.
Try out new activities to discover what you enjoy doing and what you’re good at.
Doing what you love boosts your confidence and helps you appreciate yourself more. So, try to engage in activities that come naturally to you and make you happy.
Moreover, don’t be afraid to step out of your comfort zone and be spontaneous.
You never know which interesting hobby or activity will captivate your interest and keep you coming back for more. So, try to do things that scare you every day, and don’t worry if it seems difficult at first.
In short, find what you’re good at, do more of it, and explore new activities to discover your passions. It will make you feel better and more fulfilled.
13. Take back control of your life
It’s important to hold yourself accountable and take responsibility for the situations you find yourself in, so that you can figure out how to move forward.
It’s easy to want to blame others or assign labels like “psychopath” or “narcissist” to them, but the truth is that it’s not entirely their fault. You need to take ownership of the issues in your life, because if you don’t, you’ll feel powerless and like a victim.
When I started my journey towards self-love, it was crucial for me to stop feeling like a victim and to stop thinking that everyone was doing things to me.
I changed my line of thinking from “why is this always happening to me” to “why am I allowing this to happen?”
You may attract broken people, but that doesn’t mean you have to entertain them.
You chose those people to be in a relationship with, so it’s important to ask yourself why and hold yourself accountable.
However, it’s crucial to do this without beating yourself up, as that’s not the point.
The point is to take your power back and know that you’re in control of your life. This can also help with depression, as depression often makes you feel hopeless and powerless over your situation.
14. Be your own hype man
The final step on how to fall in love with yourself is to always praise and appreciate yourself, just as you would a partner.
Celebrate both small and big wins, and validate yourself instead of seeking validation from others.
External validation will never be enough to fill the void within.
People who are emotionally unavailable will not feel worthy of your love no matter how much you give them. Therefore, it is essential to give yourself love and believe that you are deserving of it.
If you have any questions or are confused about anything, please let me know. I would love to answer your questions in-depth on my podcast.
Send your questions to hello@selfhealjourney.com
Take care of yourself, and I love you. See you in the next episode!
Have any other tips on how to fall in love with yourself, let other readers know! You never know who you might help.
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