Do you find yourself always attracted to emotionally unavailable people? Or the same guy or gal in a different body? Learn how to manifest the love of your life using the law of attraction so that you can begin to manifest the relationship you desire with emotionally available people.
It’s not going to be exactly what you think, but stay with me here.
What is manifestation and how do we manifest the relationship we want?
Manifestation simply means to actualise something, to bring something into existence.
To manifest the relationship you want, you have to be on the same frequency with it. If you want to manifest healthy relationships you have to have a healthy relationship with yourself because like attracts like.
This is going to be one of the best decisions you will make as it requires a deeper self-connection.
A deep emotional connection with self is a way of reparenting yourself. You can achieve that by giving yourself everything you lacked as a child and listening to your own emotional needs.
Related: How To Manifest Your Dream Life
How to manifest love with this 1 principle
To manifest the relationship you want, you need to first apply the law of Vibration in your life. Not to be confused with the law of attraction, the law of vibration has to be applied before the law of attraction can work wonders.
The law of Vibration states that everything in the universe (atom, solids, thoughts, matter etc) is in a constant state of movement. This movement is known as the vibration and it differs from one object to another. In fact, it can be so powerful that you can sense and feel people’s vibrations AKA vibes just by their energy and aura.
The law of attraction is focused on controlling your thoughts and feelings, with meditation, visualisation and affirmations to achieve your desired outcome.
People are usually interested in quick fixes, when it comes to manifesting better relationships, they think it’s possible to manifest a relationship overnight or get someone to be instantly obsessed with you.
To be honest with you none of it sounds healthy and sustainable, it’s also counterproductive to focus your energy on seeking quick hacks to secure love because to be able to manifest something your energy has to be in alignment.
Focusing your energy on finding and keeping love communicates to the universe a sense of lack and unworthiness. Whereas having your frequency tuned to ‘Hey I am love so I allow myself to be loved by myself and others’ sends a different signal that pours more love back in.
It sounds like some woo woo shit but I’ve put this to the test. The time I was fuelled with anger and complaining, I had more stuff to complain angrily about. The time I had almost nothing and chose to be happy, hopeful and grateful was when I had the most opportunities and more reasons to be happy.
It’s not just in my head, It works because what you focus on GROWS.
When your vibe changes you’ll experience a disconnect with the people you used to be cool with, those connections will fade without you having to do anything.
Your vibe attracts your tribe
What is emotional availability?
Now we know that we have to be available to ourselves first for us to attract healthy relationships with others.
Emotional availability is the ability to hold space for your emotions as well as others. Chances are, that you are emotionally unavailable if you have one-sided relationships and superficial friendships.
So the question is how can we then become emotionally available to stop this cycle?
If you want to be available to yourself and others, you have to choose people who choose you and genuinely like you. Invest your energy in relationships with people you have a connection with and share similar values.
It is up to you if you want to change or keep entertaining relationships like this, but if you are seriously tired of the pattern, you have to make changes to see different results. To manifest a meaningful relationship you have to be emotionally available. This will require you to look inward instead of shifting the blame to others.
Being available requires healthy and open communication, I can’t stress this enough.
Also read: Letting Go Of Someone You Love That Hurt You
How to become available so you attract the love you deserve
1. Be available to yourself first
Become available to your own feelings, again this goes back to being self aware. It’s okay to be sad, feel insecure or afraid. Being able to recognise those feelings and self soothe will help to validate yourself so you wouldn’t need to seek validation from others. If that means sitting through your uncomfortable feelings, do it.
You have to be there for the little girl inside you that has been feeling unheard. You owe it to yourself to feel loved, you deserve the love you so desperately want to give others.
2. Embrace your company
It’s okay being alone, embrace solitude and only allow others into your life that will bring value to you. Most times we don’t want to be alone because we are scared of facing our own demons, we think that having a relationship will make us feel enough, whole and worthy but that is not necessarily true.
This is part of the reason we settle, we think we can’t get better than what is being served at the table, so we accept it.
3. Don’t settle
We accept the love we think we deserve. Don’t let anyone sit at your table if all they are willing to do is to feed you crumbs, or take from your banquet. I know you are full of love and have so much to give but they will continue to take from you without considering your needs.
It is a parasitic exchange that enables them to feed off of you till you don’t have enough for yourself and you are completely drained. These people only serve a purpose in your life, to teach you how to love yourself and to set boundaries.
4. Commit to yourself
Commit to your personal growth, healing, future goals, and wellbeing. You will have to reparent yourself. Look for areas in your life where you are currently struggling with commitment, and actively seek to change that one step at a time.
Set aside time to practise self-care and attend to your needs. Do you want to keep fit? Change your hairdo? Maybe dress better?. Start valuing yourself.
Must Read: 7 Areas Of life To Set Goals For Self Care
5. Be your authentic self
It is okay to be vulnerable. Being emotionally available means that you are okay with emotions and okay to be vulnerable. You just need to know who to trust and who to be vulnerable with.
Not everyone deserves to know you like that. Be sure to vet people before letting them in, let people earn your trust and always listen to your intuition. Open up when you feel ready and feel free to do it in doses. Resist the urge to overcompensate by oversharing.
6. Set realistic expectations
Manage your expectations with emotionally unavailable people. Don’t assume you can change them into what you want. Expecting someone to change for you will more than likely end in resentment, and 9 times out of 10, they don’t change!
Real change requires desire and drive. They have to really want it, be desperate for it, willing to go through the process of pain to get it. Focusing on changing yourself is easier, by MILES.
Accepting people as they come will save you so much heartache, time and energy. At the end of the day, it is your choice if you want to continue a relationship with them.
If your values are honesty, communication, loyalty, commitment and affection in a relationship, you might be better off looking elsewhere to avoid disappointment.
7. Know what you want in relationships
You need to have a set of dealbreakers to be able to distinguish and know the role people play in your life. If you have been in toxic relationships, you may lack an understanding of what a healthy relationship should look like.
Regardless, you need to have values that you stand by and qualities you look for in a friend/partner. Understanding what someone is capable of will give you an overall idea of the type of relationship you can have with them.
Don’t ignore red flags, also take note of how they make you feel, that is usually a good indicator as to when something is having a positive influence on you.
8. Pay attention to your limiting beliefs
For example, your conscious mind wants to connect with others and build healthy relationships. But due to your tendency to go for people who are not good for you, your subconscious mind is saying love hurts, love is abusive and toxic, you can’t trust others.
The subconscious mind controls what happens in our reality, which is why I believe in the power of affirmations. The mind never wants to be wrong, so it will work to create your reality in favour of what your subconscious is programmed to.
How to manifest the love of your life
To manifest a better relationships you have to have a better one with yourself.
Being emotionally unavailable doesn’t inherently mean that you are a bad person, some people have no idea that they are that way.
For a long time, I was unavailable and was shocked to find out. My people-pleasing ways meant that I would abandon myself and look out for others, which would be considered as being emotionally unavailable to oneself.
For others, it could be their childhood, a recent loss of a loved one, or heartbreak. Whatever the reason, they wouldn’t be in the right space to have a healthy relationship with you.
You get what you put out into the world.
We need to show up authentically so we can build meaningful connections, and we do by embracing ourselves and being brave enough to let people see the unapologetically flawed parts of ourselves.
I am still learning how to do this, but I do believe it’s a process. When we do this, we are saying to ourselves that we are good enough just the way we are, that we are not afraid of rejection as much as we are willing to risk being loved deep heartedly.
So in short, you can manifest the relationship you want by making sure you are on the same frequency of whatever you are asking for.
Let me know in the comment section what your thoughts are on one-sided relationships or if you find yourself constantly being attracted to emotionally unavailable people.